I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
