I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
