Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
