The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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