I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
