On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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