She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
