She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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