i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
