I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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