Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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