i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
