3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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