I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
