my sisters under your porch take her home
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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