I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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