Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
