wanna go halves on a baby?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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