is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
