i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
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