this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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