I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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