i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
