Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
