He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
