he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
