"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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