Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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