fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
