I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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