I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize