My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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