I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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