She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
