i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
