he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
