Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
