Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
