Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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