Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
