there was a trapeze. enough said
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
