Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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