I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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