omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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