No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
