I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
