Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
