I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
