things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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