Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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