I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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